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Friday, 11 May 2012


I have been on the waiting list for Pain management treatment for my Fibromyalgia for around 8 months now. Back in Jan i had an initial appointment with a psychologist to assess what sort of management therapy would be the best course for me. We decided back then since i am unable to attend group sessions (without a friend or mum) with the various therapists and other sufferers due to my panic attacks that our initial way to tackle my treatment would be to have one to one sessions with a therapist. I was offered someone new and would only have to wait a few weeks, but i found that even that suggestion was enough to send me off into a panic. The idea of telling another new person all my problems was not good. So i have had to wait until yesterday to see the psychologist i had originally met and we will be working together.

My first session was yesterday, and we outlined what would be happening, the amount of sessions i would be having and discussed the form my panic attacks take. Lots of tears later i came out of the room to my mum feeling very drained.
Those that follow my blog will know that the last couple of weeks have not been the best, and those of you who know me well will know all about why. This added to it was pretty much the breaking point.

I did however have a breakthrough- I managed the bus for the first time in many years with a good friend on weds. I had promised to go and help with Carnival painting and wasn't going to let my daughter down. My therapist was very impressed and said that i am quite unusual in the fact that if its for my children i will make myself and somehow overcome a lot of my fears. I still find it incredably hard and will break down in tears once alone again and safe.
Most mums taking their children out alone wouldn't cope if they suffer with the things i do, and even with support they wouldn't cope, but i'm the opposite. Having my children around is good for me- i won't let them see how bad i feel, i won't have them being affected by my illnesses any more than they already have been.

I now have the fun of homework and increasingly harder tasks over the next 6-12 weeks until i am able to do the things i used to before my Migraines hit so severely and the Fibro kicked in. According to Stats, if i follow the therapy to the end and do the homework set there is an 80% chance i will have no problems once i am discharged. Right now that feels virtually impossible. I am however not going to allow my fears to control the rest of my life. I need to start living again and managing to go out alone.

I will keep this updated as the weeks go on.

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