Its always hard to admit a mistake, anyone will say that. Recently i did just that.
I admitted to someone very important to me that i was wrong about something big and was left in limbo for a few weeks while this person worked out what it all meant.
Now i have been given the concluding part to that mistake. It is something i have now to live with for the rest of my life and feels like a major thing right now. I am deeply hurt and angry With myself. I am disappointed that this person doesn't feel how i do about the whole mess and at the same time i am glad that i now have an ending and in time i guess i can start to heal.
At this point in time i am being brave in front the children, i am trying to keep busy- lets face it i have 101 things i need to do and all in the next 2 weeks. But as you all well know- when feeling hurt and betrayed all you want to do is curl up with a soppy DVD or book and hide. Chance would be a fine thing with 2 children constantly say "I'm bored".
I shall in the meantime hide at night and do the above. In the day i shall paint on a happy face and say to all who ask- "yes I'm fine" because that is what is expected of me.
I can agree with that wholeheartedly feeling that now I have done exactly the same thing. Only I haven't admitted it to the person as I am afraid of a similar reaction and am not sure I can handle it at the moment. But then you have always been braver than I am. Hang in there hun and we will work through it all together xxx
ReplyDeleteClaire,
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you. You've shared something so painful. It brings to mind how devastated I was when my first marriage went to pieces. I felt helpless, confused, furious, betrayed...you name it, if it was bad, I felt it. After my husband and I separated (all the while putting on a happy face for family members and friends) I spent my first holiday without my children, lying on the floor with a blanket over my head. I was in such pain that I couldn't fathom how to go on. But I did...and you will too. God's grace comforted me, guided me through and brought me greater happiness than I had ever known. I pray the same for you.
Thank you for your lovely thoughts. You'd think after 2 husbands it would get easier, but not in this case, i know i made the mistake, but its too late so i have to live with it. x
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