Beautiful Blogger award.

I received a beautiful blogger award from a friend the other day. And i have to say the reason she put on her blog made me smile and gave me tears. These are her details scarlettrainssistersoftheheartsblog.blogspot.com

As my continuation of this i will share 7 facts about myself;
1. I constantly put myself down, and can't see that ever changing, I'm never happy with what i do or even myself.
2. I love anything mythical- Dragons, Fairies, Unicorns etc...
3. I would like to say that i have one passion, but i love too many things so i would be lying.
4. I envy people who have tidy houses- this is something i will never achieve as i am too disorganised and generally messy. Some may say lazy since a lot of the time its a simple case of a 5 min job.
5. I always wonder why people would want to read about my life- i can't see that its very interesting.
6. My children are the best things i have ever created.
7. I have always had a yearning to be asked to be a Godmother to someone.

There we go, that was something that i thought would be easy, but trying to pick out facts about myself that were different was not easy.

Now onto my nominations for this award;

1. http://stationery-pigeon.blogspot.co.uk/ My wonderful friend for being just that.
2. http://seamstress-waffle.blogspot.co.uk My amazing mum, who i cannot thank enough for everything.
3. http://beckywilloughby.blogspot.co.uk/ For introducing me to blogging.
4. http://crystaljigsaw.blogspot.co.uk/ One of my fav blogs to follow.
5. http://morgaine-le-fays-textiles.blogspot.co.uk/ This friend is amazing, i absolutely love her fabrics. she is the first person i turn to for antique fabric or items i am looking for. She is a fountain of knowledge and an inspiration.
6. http://charlotteeaston.blogspot.co.uk/ Although i don't know this lady personally, she is the cousin of a friend and i find that she is a breat inspiration to others, i love reading the challenges she sets herself, and her milestones
7. http://thefeltfairyuk.blogspot.co.uk/ Annie introduced me to Monthly makes, i managed a few and since then got too busy, but i love reading the monthly makes non the less.


So there we go, all my fav blogs to follow, and now i pass the baton onto them.

This is what to do now:

Put down seven facts about yourself,

You link to the blog of the person who nominated you,

You link to seven bloggers who you think deserve the award,

You let those bloggers know they have been nominated.

 Simple as that. I look forward to reading your facts xx

I've gone and done it again...

I just can't help myself. Monday while unloading the car form our very hot but relaxing weekend at Baddlesmere re-enactment my ankle gave way and i crumpled to the ground.
I fell on my bum, and just missed the step i was coming down from. This i feel was very fortunate since i have a problem with my coccyx and could see that being damaged rather a lot if i had caught the step. So i suppose i should be saying"Luckily" i only sprained my left ankle. And yes it is again because it was only last September when i last sprained it.
So here i am on crutches again! I was just beginning to get my house organised and now it is going to be even worse while i can't do anything for weeks.
To make matters worse, i have organised a Diamond Jubilee Jaunt in aid of our local museum. The walk is sponsored, and although i am not sponsored i do have to be there as the organiser. I will now be going on my Nana's Motorised Buggy!!!! I secretly or not so secretly always wanted to go on one of those, but seeing as i can walk limited distance with and without my stick i haven't bothered. Now i have a justified excuse to use one- Yippee.

I have also discovered through this who my real supporters at the Museum are. Because i am Head of Events at the Museum, i chair the meetings and on Thursday we have one to run through all the safety aspects of the walk. Now normally my wonderful mum http://seamstress-waffle.blogspot.co.uk/ and minute taker for the meeting would give me a lift, or my great friend Claire http://stationery-pigeon.blogspot.co.uk/ unfortunately they are unable to attend the meeting. I therefor sent an e-mail out to all the Event team members explaining the situation and asking if any of them could give me a lift to the meeting, Not one single reply! None of them have sent apologies to say they can't make it, and i know the e-mail has been received as both my mum and Claire have mentioned it to me. So i had to resort to calling the Museum and talking to the Deputy CEO and telling her the problem. The solution presented itself in our wonderful cleaner, she is a lovely lady who has also offered to come and collect me after her shift and take me to the meeting, i will early, but that is no problem as i have a few things i can be doing. but how touching for me, she is going out of her way to come after work collect me and then go back to work.

I really know who is supportive of me in the team and who isn't now. I can't be too nasty as i do have some members without cars- and that is obviously fair enough, but its very hard to get on a bus for me anyway with my panic attacks, but crutches too! NOT happening, Taxi some might say- would cost me at least £6 from my house, a lot that i don't have.

Oh well, human nature i guess, some people will always put themselves out for you and others just won't.
I'm now wondering how they will all be with me at the meeting- Maybe that will form the content of another blog post.

Tiredness

I've been running on empty for the last few weeks so much that on saturday when we went for our monthly reiki share, i was having my treatment and fell asleep. Then later on after our cuppa and biscuit we did a guided meditation on swimming with Dolphins- I fell asleep again. I wasn't doing to well on staying away saturday.
Once home i had a cuppa with mum, we ruminated on the afternoon and i struggled to stay awake. She sent me off to bed around 5, i slept for a few hours before watching tv for a few and going back off to bed for another 9 hours solid sleep, i think the only thing that woke me was my bladder.
Sunday wasn't much better, i pottered most of the morning trying to tidy up, then went to ESK and got some craft bits that were needed, some plastic boxes for my material and craft fair bits, came home and watched some tv and again struggled to stay awake. I had a bath and almost fell asleep. After that i caught up on some e-mails i needed to send and went off to bed. This morning i slept again once the children left til 9.30, got up for some tidying (something that has been severely lacking in my house of late) and spent the day yawning. Saw some friends and now after dinner sitting here i'm really tired again.

Its not even a tiredness you can explain, well not to the average person. Someone with CF would understand as it is very similar. Its the sort of tiredness that makes you feel like you have huge weights hanging off your limbs, or even as if you're moving in a gel like substance so you're getting lots of resistance every time you try to do something. Its Horrible, your brain is in a daze and nothing sound right, words come our in a jumble, and the spelling in this is being corrected more than i am moving forward with the typing.

I know it is because i have overdone everything again, and i need to cut back on things. But what do i cut back on. I love my crafts, sewing, knitting and i do these a little at a time in turn. I love going to craft fairs and get a thrill out of people liking my creations. I love volunteering for the museum, and organising the events, i get a real buzz out of seeing it all come together. I love my re-enactments, i've been doing them for over half my life and although the build up to it all is stressful i relax it when i am there.

So i really have no idea what i should give up, except i have to give up or cut back on something because i am suffering and soon my children will be too. Its taken me over a year to get to a relatively good state of health and if i don't do something soon i will ruin that and it will all have been for nothing. Certainly gives me something to ponder on.

Book Eview Club

<center><a href="http://bookreviewclub.blogspot.com Check out this blog for lots of book reviews

Time!.....Or lack of it

Apologies to all my regular readers, i haven't had any time to write anything recently, and even if i had tried i don't think i would have managed to make any sense. I have been so busy and therefore so tired that i have collapsed once the children have gone to bed. I have lots of projects that have been started and need finishing off. I will now try to catch you all up on what i have been creating and doing.

Firstly, my Victorian Costume is all finished and we have had our school day out to Preston Manor. It was a very cold but lovely day. The children were in awe of the staff who played the part of housekeeper and under butler. They were very strict and told them off for the slightest thing. I didn't panic too much about going on the bus, but the lead up to it while getting dressed was a challenge. My instinct was to run away and hide under my covers and say i was ill. But i didn't i forced myself to go.

I am not happy with the jacket of my costume, it doesn't look like the picture and will be changed once i have more time.

We have done another Craft fair. Unfortunately this time i didn't sell anything, but mum, Claire and Nana did. The day was still good though and worth going as it did mean i got some more of my commission done- that shrug is now almost half done.

The Museum Events are as busy as ever. We have a talk tomorrow night and have sold over half the tickets so far, we normally get some people turn up on the door so it should be busy.
The Diamond Jubilee Jaunt is getting some people on the registration form. My son is one of them and has already got some sponsors. Although if anyone reading this is willing to sponsor him then please contact me. He is doing his best to let people his age know about the events and get them interested in attending them and the Museum itself. I think that this is an admirable trait for a 12 year old to have. Then 3 days after the jaunt he will be down at the De La Warr Pavillion helping out our local Astronomy Group (ESAS) with a day of facts and finding out about the star systems. They will have telescopes set up, a children's play area where they can build things related to stars and planets. Talks on Astronomy and many other things. He has volunteered to give up his Bank Holiday to help them raise awareness to younger people.

I have more sewing to do for the next Craft Fair, this time some felt bags and another quilt. maybe it will sell as quickly as the last one! I do hope so.

I'm actually exhausted writing all this. My 2nd therapy session was today and went ok, i came out having not cried this time- an achievement, and the therapist was very pleased with what i had attempted since Thursday. Its very hard writing down all the individual feeling that occur with a panic attack, and how they change as the attack builds, but at the same time its a good exercise to do in order to separate all the strands.
I'm lucky, i have very good support in my closest friend and my mum. Not many people know how badly restricted i am because they normally see me out with a friend or mum. But if people think about it- How many times have any of them seen me out alone in the last 6 years if not longer- Only a handful, because i avoid it as much as possible. It has restricted me an awful lot and now i am finally doing something about it.
I have homework to do, and one of the things is to challenge myself to work up my Avoidance Hierarchy over the next 6-12 weeks. I have added another on there and i am letting everyone who follows my blog know that i am a sufferer, and should i attempt to do something out of the ordinary that it is a big deal!! It may not seem it to you, but to me going out on my own, or going to a busy place alone, or even going somewhere unknown to me is a major thing. These are just a small set of examples of my avoidance things.
If i pluck up the courage i may write them all out for you all to see- who knows some of you may find it interesting and be able to relate. Those of you who don't then fair enough but please don't judge me. I do find this a good way of working things out in my brain.

Therapy

I have been on the waiting list for Pain management treatment for my Fibromyalgia for around 8 months now. Back in Jan i had an initial appointment with a psychologist to assess what sort of management therapy would be the best course for me. We decided back then since i am unable to attend group sessions (without a friend or mum) with the various therapists and other sufferers due to my panic attacks that our initial way to tackle my treatment would be to have one to one sessions with a therapist. I was offered someone new and would only have to wait a few weeks, but i found that even that suggestion was enough to send me off into a panic. The idea of telling another new person all my problems was not good. So i have had to wait until yesterday to see the psychologist i had originally met and we will be working together.

My first session was yesterday, and we outlined what would be happening, the amount of sessions i would be having and discussed the form my panic attacks take. Lots of tears later i came out of the room to my mum feeling very drained.
Those that follow my blog will know that the last couple of weeks have not been the best, and those of you who know me well will know all about why. This added to it was pretty much the breaking point.

I did however have a breakthrough- I managed the bus for the first time in many years with a good friend on weds. I had promised to go and help with Carnival painting and wasn't going to let my daughter down. My therapist was very impressed and said that i am quite unusual in the fact that if its for my children i will make myself and somehow overcome a lot of my fears. I still find it incredably hard and will break down in tears once alone again and safe.
Most mums taking their children out alone wouldn't cope if they suffer with the things i do, and even with support they wouldn't cope, but i'm the opposite. Having my children around is good for me- i won't let them see how bad i feel, i won't have them being affected by my illnesses any more than they already have been.

I now have the fun of homework and increasingly harder tasks over the next 6-12 weeks until i am able to do the things i used to before my Migraines hit so severely and the Fibro kicked in. According to Stats, if i follow the therapy to the end and do the homework set there is an 80% chance i will have no problems once i am discharged. Right now that feels virtually impossible. I am however not going to allow my fears to control the rest of my life. I need to start living again and managing to go out alone.

I will keep this updated as the weeks go on.

My Bank Holiday Weekend

I hadn't a chance to write much last week as things were so hectic and i was preparing to go away for the weekend. My mum and I took ourselves off to Caldicot Castle for a Re-enactment called Fortress Wales Event. A multi-period show.

It was a beautiful weekend set in a stunning setting.

To the Left is one of our Giant friends, he marched around collecting donations for Help the Hero's which was the charity of the Event

Below are one of the group winners of the weekend, they won the best living history camp prize

And above we have our group (some members missing) We were the winners of the Best Re-enactment group of the weekend!!!!

We did some dancing on the Sunday evening to some 40's music, i even had a go at the jive- and parts of my dancing actually resembled it. My mum was grabbed by one of our friends and made a very good attempt at her 1st jive in around 30 years. And after that we went back to camp for a sing song around the fire. We had some old favourites, some new songs and some very funny ditties.

the weather held up for us until Sunday when it decided to rain in the morning, clear for a while and then throw it down in time for packing up- nothing new there really. Overall though we had a great weekend, and our drive there and back wasn't as long as we had thought. The traffic was with us in both directions so we made reasonable time getting there and home again. I decided on the way home again i would really like to learn to Jive so i have made thaqt one of my To Do things. I will look up where i can have lessons and the cost of it.

My Latest efforts

Today i wanted to post about a few of the more positive thing i have been working on over the last few weeks, only i am unable to load the posters. But, i can send you a link to the Museum to see where this work has been happening:

http://www.bexhillmuseum.co.uk/bexhill-museum/bexhill-museum-events.html

Its a shame as the posters would really show some of the work that is going into the events by myself and the rest of my team.

This weekend we have organised a Wind in the Willows Discovery Trail around the Museum. The idea is to find all the clues and fill in the gaps. Each correctly completed form will be entered into a prize draw donated by a local Toy shop. The prize however is also suitable for adults so if any adults who like the book want to have a go they can.

The next event I've been working on the the Museums at Night initiative. All over the UK Museums will be staying open late on the weekend of the 18th of May. We are having a talk by a local gentleman about his life in the Pop industry and some of the Artists he worked with from music and film.

Then for the Big Jubilee we have organised a Diamond Jubilee Jaunt on the 2ND June along our local seafront. Participants have to raise sponsors to walk and are encouraged to dress in historic costume or something red, white and blue. All of the money raised will go to the Museum.

I'm hoping that these events particularly the walk will raise a nice amount of money for the Museum, the outlay hasn't been much as most of it is voluntary time and printing posters and forms.

It has been hard work getting the 3 events advertised all on top of each other, but assuming my team have done their jobs and placed posters up, then my time will have been well spent.

Bad Week.

Following on from my post on admitting mistakes, the answer i received after a few weeks was not good.
Since then i have had more bad news. Something that has led on to another like ripples on a pond.
They say that these things come in 3's- Who is "They" and How did "They" decide this. Well whoever it was i wish "They" hadn't, it has set a trend, and although the happy thoughts i had been thinking have been dashed, so far i have not been told about the 3's saying by any friends, but I'm waiting for it. I am however quite lucky because i haven't really told many people. And those i have told only knew/know part of it.

Yes, you're thinking I'm being cryptic, but for some things i have to be, i don't really like to show everything at once. I know that may sound distrustful, but i have learnt through bitter experience not to be. Its not a nice thing because on the whole i am a very trusting person, and i don't like to be guarded about things. It goes against my nature. I will i hope learn to be trusting again.

Lastly I also hope that the bad news today is the worst of what i am to receive this week.